Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
