god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
