She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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