I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
