I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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