he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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