just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
