I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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