You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
