that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
no you cant smoke seaweed
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize