I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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