need another drink. this is the easiest way
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
