Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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