We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
