Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
