we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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