He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
