hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
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