she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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