I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
