i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
