I'll bet she douches with gravy.
the condom got lost in my hair
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
God I need to hump something, right now.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
