My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
