Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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