how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
