My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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