Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I need to stop coming to work sober
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Randomize
