it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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