i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
