Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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