Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
