Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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