i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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