You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
