You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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