So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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