Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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