During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize