very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I got inside last night via doggy door
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize