I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
jump out the window naked night went bad
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