I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
