Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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