Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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