allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
