i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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