Christians are straight up FREAKS
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
