You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
