you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
