Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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