Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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