I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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