I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
