i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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