Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
