his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
What happened to fro yo and sex?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
