Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize