just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
