How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
