So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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