im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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