her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
