A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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