Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
