If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
