get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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