I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
