Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
