because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize